im grateful for long flowing skirts that blow in the summer breeze
and weather that’s appropriate for wearing them.
im grateful for the spanish language and the smiling people who speak it
and the songs sung in it with deep, crooning voices.
im grateful for playlists i didnt create and friday nights
where city lights dance on the water.
“There are a lot of things up in the air in my life right now.” My friend, S, told me as we sat on the grass enjoying the first of two yerba mate-and-chit-chat experiences I’d partake in in the following two days. “I just have to trust that things will eventually settle,” she added.
“Hmmm…” I nodded, sipping from the bombilla. “It’s just that it can be so hard to do that sometimes…”
Brief silence.
“No it’s not.” S replied matter-of-factly.
And I wondered what my deal was.
On a personality questionnaire I recently filled out, I had to choose whether I’d prefer good things to happen to me or interesting things. The question intrigued me.
Of course it’s the interesting, excruciating disappointments that shape us and teach us about life and who we are. Sure, the good things can help us in our lives, but it’s the interesting things that challenge us to evolve and move forward.
And yet, in my life I’ve had a hard time trusting the interesting things. It’s so much easier to prefer the simplicity and clarity of good things.
So, at the moment that my life is more interesting than good (but still good), I am trying to learn to sit with it. I try to notice my impatience and desire to snatch all the things that are floating up around me out of the air, and rather than forcing them down to earth, watching and waiting to see where they settle on their own.
I’ve been thinking about my Mindfulness-Based Stressed Reduction course that I took exactly one year ago. I remember our instructor, Roy, pointing out to us that in our educational system we’re groomed into the mindset of pressuring ourselves to succeed, to always be moving somewhere. We’re taught that we own full control over our destinies and are responsible for the outcomes of our lives. Is this right? He asked us, in his almost-infuriatingly patient voice, as if he had all the time in the world to wait for his flock of cattle to corral themselves. The doubt he had placed in our minds violently upset one of the course participants. “I think it is right.” She passionately, angrily asserted. “We were always taught in school to strive for greatness, to try our hardest! It’s because of that message that I’m successful today.”
We watched as Roy gazed at her, non-reactively and his eyes implored her and the rest of us, And so you tried your hardest. You did as you were told. Did it make you happy? You tried your hardest and for what? You’re still here, alive, but very much at the mercy of nature and fate. You’re just as scared and confused as the rest of us. The rest of the class tensely watched the confrontation. It made us nervous to see him bearing the brunt of her anger for stirring up some deeply held beliefs and shattering her illusion of control – the illusion we are all taught to hold dear.
As a meditation instructor, I believe he must have become accustomed to removing those fragile bottom pieces of the Jenga tower and watching everyone’s world views come tumbling down like a stack of wooden blocks.
The blocks are currently in mid-air and it’s hard not to wonder where they’ll eventually land.
Or, as my friend S said, maybe it’s not.
I woke up in the middle of the night to find the dragon lying in my bed. Snoring politely, he looked very small, about the size of a beagle. He was staying on his side of the bed, so I tried to get back to sleep. I’d met this beast before and knew he often brought with him ominous feelings of death and despair, but sometimes he would show up at night only to be gone in the morning. Maybe this time I wouldn’t need to worry.
The next morning, though, the dragon was still there. It rolled over and looked at me with its yellow lizard eyes. Its grey, shiny scales were smooth and glistening. I felt a sharp shiver of fear run through me. I wondered if this time he was here to stay. I worried about what he might do.
I can feel the general feeling of malaise and a focal ache in the side of my head. My mind slows and I feel that stupid sense of dullness overcome me. I am engulfed in a wave of sickness and pain; I am getting a migraine.
Many of my patients suffer from chronic pain. Their lives become about experiencing life behind a veil of physical discomfort, which intrudes into everything they do. Pain can be a metaphor offered up by the body for other forms of discomfort that are either too hard to solidify or too easy to ignore. When my little dog vies for my attention he cries. Our bodies do that too. Pain can be sticky, it can be complicated and its cause unclear. It can also destroy life; it becomes an unrelenting presence that threatens to ruin every plan or dream we have for a life of balance and well-being. Pain, and more importantly our reaction to it, can succeed at controlling us. So, how can we take back the control and heal through pain?
Most people who come to see a naturopathic doctor are in some sort of state of dis-ease. That is, they are often exhibiting symptoms that indicate that their bodies have begun to offer up warning signs that something is off balance. After all, if they didn’t have symptoms, how would they know something was wrong with them? The trouble with our society is we often don’t notice our bodies until we have a glaringly obvious symptom that we can’t ignore – like how I never pay attention to a car I’m driving until there is a red light and a beeping noise I can’t turn off. And, even at that, how often do we find ourselves out-of-touch with even the most annoying symptoms – like gas and bloating or pain and itching – simply because we’ve “learned to live with them”?
Losses and pivotal life changes can make us feel as if our world of comforts and familiarity is crumbling away beneath us, leaving us with a sense of emptiness and shaken emotional instability. However awful these times may seem, they can also offer us the gift of intimately knowing ourselves, and the opportunity to grow and learn. We are at our most vulnerable, our most creative and, in a sense, our most awake and alive during times of emotional duress. Our sensitivity is heightened, and although many of these feelings are extremely painful, our ability to experience this pain also leaves us open to the possibility of truly feeling everything the world has to offer: excruciating suffering but also the promise of immense joy.
When we think of healing we often think of taking medications, receiving treatments or long courses of therapy. We often overlook the importance of the little, comforting things we can do to help nurture ourselves through painful times. These rituals and small comforts are powerful healing facilitators; we only need the courage to turn to them and to trust that we are on the right path.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to slowly ease into the holidays and enjoy it like I did before entering university, decorating the Christmas tree, sipping cinnamon spiced lattes, listening to Christmas music, taking my time with Christmas shopping and baking and acting in a holiday play.
However, for most people, the holidays are still a stressful time. The often commercial, faux-cheeriness of the season masks an underlying anxiety about being in close quarters with family, buying the perfect present, financial difficulties and all the work that must be done to meet the ever-increasing expectations we place upon ourselves at this time of year.
In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the Spleen organ can be more closely equated with the pancreas, rather than the western spleen, whose main function is simply to store blood. The TCM Spleen is responsible for digesting food and converting it into energy, much in the way the pancreas releases insulin to allow the body’s cells to absorb ingested glucose, providing the cells with energy. Unlike the pancreas, however, the TCM Spleen is also responsible for providing warmth and vitality to the body, providing energy for immune function and the mental energy to produce industrious and creativity work. The Spleen belongs to the Earth Element and its main season is late Summer and early Fall, right around the time that students dust off their backpacks and head back to school.
Are some physical ailments “all in our heads?” The mind is a powerful organ, capable of creating reality for us. In the world of health, the mind can be a powerful healing tool, or a powerful hindrance to true cure.
As a Buddhist tenet suggests, all suffering is present in the mind: pain, itching and discomfort especially. The mind, when stressed, has the ability to produce a number of physical symptoms, pain being one of them, but also skin ailments, digestive concerns, weight gain, hypertension and virtually any other complaint take up significant residence in the mind. Is your eczema expressing an anger that you’ve been holding in? Is your inability to lose weight a need to shield yourself from the world? Our homeopathy professor holds that the our symptoms are outer expressions of an inner, emotional state and, in controlling our minds and dealing with repressed emotions, we can resolve the physical as well.
In 1955, the doctor Henry K. Beecher named this tendency of the mind the “Placebo Effect.” According to Beecher, 35% of patients got better when given a sugar pill, indicating that, when the mind believed it was being treated, it spontaneously resolved symptoms based solely on its own expectations. This effect was so pronounced that, to this day, clinical trials are all but tossed out if they are not controlled for the placebo effect by giving one group a sugar pill.
It’s unfortunate that in modern healthcare this healing power of the mind is dismissed as “placebo” and not exploited further. After all, harnessing the power of the mind is cost-effective and side effect-free. There are many ways to enhance the Placebo, or as some of my supervisors like to term it, the “Meaning Response,” such as good patient rapport, a healing intention and therapeutic setting. However, when we talk about placebo, we’re really just talking about tapping into the mind-body connection, harnessing the mind’s powerful ability to influence the physical body. Giving patients a sugar pill is only one part of it.
Seeing patients at the Robert Schad Naturopathic Clinic made it clear to me how much of an obstacle to cure mindset can be. Often times patients’ core beliefs prevent them from getting better, especially if mental and emotional issues are at the root of their physical concerns. In many cases there is an ingrained belief of benefit to being unwell, or an unconscious fear of getting better. I find that identifying this fear helps untangle some of the mental obstacles to cure and helps patients approach healing with a renewed enlightenment.
Tapping into these unconscious beliefs is difficult, however. If approached from the wrong angle, the topic can seem insulting or belittling from the patients’ perspective. There are books such as “Messages from the Body” or Louise Hay’s “Heal Your Life”, that attribute emotional afflictions to physical ones in a dictionary-like layout, however the emotions behind a complaint are individualized and therefore such mind-body exercises are best explored on an individual level.
In the book Fat is a Feminist Issue, a comprehensive self-help book for compulsive eating and negative body image, there is a useful visualization that helps individuals access the feelings and beliefs that are preventing them from getting well. This book focusses on disordered eating and weight loss, however I’ve used the same visualization for a variety of complaints, including depression, circulatory problems, chronic infections and skin issues. The visualization consists of asking the individual to observe themselves as they are and then imagine that their condition is getting worse, then better. The visual dramatization often allows the individual to access the deep-held feelings, both positive and negative, that accompany both the worsening of and the alleviation of their complaint.
To truly access the deeper-held feelings, this meditation should be performed repeatedly. Those who attempt the visualization commonly realize:
1) There are positive aspects to having the condition: the condition protects them in some way, the condition benefits them in some way.
2) There are negative aspects to recovering: There is something threatening about the person they could become or the life they could lead without being burdened by the condition. There is something frightening about moving forward.
For stubborn conditions that do not respond to treatment, or conditions that commonly relapse, it becomes clear that, unless the mental-emotional reasons for having the condition or avoiding remission are addressed, cure is impossible.
This visualization is best done lying down and relaxed. It can be done with a trusted healthcare practitioner or alone as a meditation exercise. The party scene can be substituted for another scene that may be more relevant for you and words pertaining to your specific condition can be substituted as well. The dots (…) indicate a pause in the narrative.
“Fat/Thin Fantasy” from Fat is a Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach
I’d like you to close your eyes, get as comfortable as you can, follow your breathing, in and out, in and out, and relax…
I’d like you to imagine that you are at a party…. This can be either a real party or an imaginary one… It might be a dancing party, a talking party, a small intimate party… Set the scene and take notice of your thoughts…. feelings… and body sensations… What are you wearing?… How do you feel in those clothes?…. What is your posture like?… Try and feel yourself in your body…. Now notice your behaviour at this party…. Are you an observer?… Are you actively mixing with other people?…. do you feel withdrawn?….
As you observe yourself at this party, I’d like you to imagine that (your condition is worsening)… How do you feel?… Try to be aware of your feelings…. and thoughts….observe any negative feelings about (having your condition worsened)… observe any positive feelings about (feeling this way)… what are you wearing?…. How is your body positioned?…. What is going on at the party and how are you interacting with the other people there?…. Now, imagine that (your condition) is communicating with the people at the party…. What is it saying to others?… is there a way in which it helps you to (have this condition) in this situation?… Does (having the condition) allow you to do or say certain things or act in particular ways?…
Now imagine that (your condition) is slowly vanishing, fading away and, in this visualization, you are completely healthy…. can you see yourself?…. can you feel your body (without the condition)?… notice what you are wearing…. what do your clothes say about you?… notice your body position…. you posture…. what do you see from the perspective of being completely healthy?… do you view the party, other people, with different eyes?… how do the people at the party view you?…. How do you feel?…. pay attention to any feelings that arise… positive feelings…. and negative feelings… are you sure of yourself?…. do you feel vulnerable?… are you you?…How are you getting on with the others at the party?… Are there differences in the way that you interact with others?…. Is there anything scary of unpleasant about (having this condition)?…
Now I’d like to you to imagine that you are back to the body you have now…. does the atmosphere change?… can you contact any feelings of relief about being back in your present body?… Allow yourself time to experience whatever feelings are coming up… notice your responses to other people… how you feel about yourself… watch these feelings without judgement, as an observer….
Now, look back over this entire visualization exercise…. see what new information came up for you about yourself… When you are ready, come back into the room and open your eyes…
Reference:
Orbach, Susie (1978). Fat is a Feminist Issue. Galahad Books: New York, NY.
I recently came across this Ted Talk, by Shawn Anchor, recommended by a fellow student. The insightful, well-delivered, entertaining talk is important in the field of naturopathic medicine because it stresses the importance of positivity for living a life of health and happiness.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXy__kBVq1M]
Shawn expresses the idea that only 10% of our inner happiness is due to external factors: our job, possessions, education, etc, while the other 90% is attributed to how we perceive those circumstances. We live in a society where we focus on reaching goals, thinking that once we reach those goals we will be happier: “When I lose 20 pounds, I’ll feel happy with myself,” “When I get that raise, I’ll like my job,” or “If I get into that school, then I’ll feel great.” It reminded me of a story our Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction teacher told us on Tuesday night:
There was once a fisherman, sleeping in his boat. He had caught all his fish for the day and so he was enjoying the sunny afternoon by taking a well-deserved nap, when along came a businessman.
“What are you doing?” Asked the businessman.
“I’m resting.” Replied the fisherman, “I’ve caught all my fish for the day.”
“Why don’t you go out and catch more?” Asked the businessman.
“Why would I do that?” Wondered the fisherman.
“Well, if you went out and caught more fish, you’d make more money.” Stated the businessman, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“What would I do with more money?” Inquired the fisherman.
“You could buy a bigger boat.”
“And what would I do with a bigger boat?”
“Well,” replied the businessman, “You could catch even more fish, then. Then you could make even more money, buy a fleet of boats, employ other fishermen, catch even more fish and make even more money.” He finished, seeming pleased with his insightful advice.
“And what would I do then?” Asked the fisherman, who by now was very confused.
“Well,” exhaled the businessman, on a role now, “then you could really enjoy life!”
The fisherman looked at his beautiful surroundings, the afternoon sun dancing on the calm waters of the harbour; his humble but comfortable boat serving as the perfect place to rest. He looked back up at the businessman, who by now was looking quite triumphant, and replied,
“And what the heck do you think I’m already doing?”
Like the fisherman, being content with your life’s present circumstances is the key to increased enjoyment and satisfaction. According to Shawn Anchor, becoming more positive isn’t hard: he proposes a way to increase your satisfaction and overall happiness by spending only 2 minutes a day for 21 days in a row.
He suggests a list of activities that one might engage in, including exercise, meditation or journalling. One of the activities that stood out for me is expressing daily gratitude by taking 2 minutes at the end of each day to journal 3 things you have been thankful for in the past 24 hours. According to Shawn, this simple task is enough to set the brain on a different path, one that leads to increased happiness.
I often find that, in my life, I spend my time focusing on my goals and aspirations for the future. While this striving for future goals is what I’ve been taught to do in order to experience successes in my life, it results in my inability to pay attention to and enjoy my life in the present. Changing my lens of focus to the life blessings I have now allows me to marinate in the present. I find that, while it may takes some time to shift my gaze to the things I already have, rather than the things I’d like to have, once I got started, it was hard to stop at just listing three things. I felt like I wasn’t doing my life justice by excluding the numerous gifts I’m given on a daily basis.
I also like the idea of putting these pieces of gratitude on small pieces of paper and storing them in a glass jar in a visible place. At the end of the month, or during a bad day, I open my jar and pull out a few pieces of gratitude, reminding myself how charmed my life actually is, and thus rewiring my brain to truly appreciate and enjoy it.